Death By Content: Episode 7 — Can I Bum A Like?

Not long ago, a cigarette wasn’t a bringer of death, but a small respite from the monotony of daily life. It brought people together. It also gave you something to do when you needed to burn 5 minutes. “Can I bum a smoke”? was the original Tinder. They were everywhere. My grandparents chain smoked in a car full of kids not wearing seat belts. My dad, not even a teenager, would go down to the corner store and buy packs of cigarettes for his mom and dad. No questions asked. He started smoking at 12. He was more the rule than the exception. Then it happened. People, who know things, discovered that cigarettes are pretty awful for you. They kill you, in a variety of ways. People still smoke them, but the stigma is irreversible. 

Fast forward 50 years, and the cigarette has been replaced. And I’m not talking about vape pens or legalized marijuana. Both of those things combined don’t even come close to approaching the popularity of cigarettes in their heyday. I’m talking about screens. Phones, laptops, and tablets. What’s that you say? There are MAJOR differences between smartphones and cigarettes? Fair enough, but the gap is much narrower than you may think. Think of this like a paternity test, with the father being “Addiction.” He’s the father of cigarettes, heroin, gambling, and ice cream. But screens? No… that can’t be. 

ON THE CONTRARY. AND WE HAVE THE TEST RESULTS! 

But cigarettes are highly addictive?! 

Got it. Do me a favor. Go turn your smartphone off and stick it in the back of your sock drawer for a week. Do the same with your tablet and computer. Done? Great – let me know when the cold sweats start kicking in. 

Do you know what happens when you get a “like ” or a positive response on your Instagram feed? Your brain sends a small hit of dopamine to a “reward center.” Do you know who figured this out? Harvard. I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s legit. This dopamine hit is the same thing that happens when you engage in other addictive ventures (such as sex, gambling, and opiates). Whether it’s a friend liking your picture of a hot dog, or a “heart” on a post about how your horse “Cloppy” passed away and you’re just trying to cope….getting a like on that is like railing a line of blow! And the currency you need to buy it is Monopoly money. What could go wrong?

But cigarettes are loaded with carcinogens! 

Two words. Brain cancer. Arthritis. Depression. Isolation. Oh wait – that’s more than two words. Guess what – fuck you. Do you know how many people knew the word “carcinogen” when cigarettes were in their heyday? If you answered zero – you’re correct. Doctors used to smoke. Now they use computers. We have NEVER had access to tech like this. How are we supposed to evaluate long term effects? It’s impossible.

Okay…you’re kind of making sense…

OH I’M NOT FINISHED. Now imagine that instead of Cigarettes being a consumer packaged good, which people buy and consume, they are the very building blocks of our society, economy, and interpersonal lives. People who knit mittens have a fucking mitten website. Complete with PayPal and Kickstarter. Corner store taco shop? HOW MANY TACO PICS CAN I FIT ON INSTAGRAM (the answer is one million). If you take away this tech we depend on, our entire infrastructure implodes. Can you imagine a world without the internet or computers (especially in the current Covid crisis)? It’d be chaos. Aside from water, food, and shelter – I can’t think of a resource we are more reliant upon. Turning off the internet and the devices that feed it would send our reward centers into chaos. The economy would crumble. People would die. That’s not an exaggeration. 

So what we will be faced with is a decision. Do we put out the cigarette and live in the dark? Or do we light up and charge forward? Honestly – I’m not sure. And the more I delve into the depths of this comparison, the more I think that what we’ve built on these screens is far more damaging and irreversible than anything we’ve ever created before. It could very well be a slow-creep genocide. It could be the last tick on the doomsday clock. 

We’ve built a palace out of our own opulence and addictions. And we live in it. We breathe it. We bathe in it and pretend that nothing is wrong. People talk about what the tech will be like in 25 years from now. Will there be flying cars? Yes. Well maybe…that’s assuming we’re all still here and haven’t turned to human-mush with tumors growing out of our eyes. Man…this is getting dark isn’t it? I REALLY didn’t want to pile on the bummer with things so glum as is. Let’s end this on a happy note. I know…

…how about a cigarette.